3 things I truly believe to be true.
- Deep inside, I’m better than anyone else. The conscious part of my brain tells me this is rubbish. The truth is I feel so weak and worthless that I have an urge to think I’m not scum.
- My parents are going to hurt me. I think that all the time they’re around. It does my heading and I eat compulsively to ease the anxiety. It’s a childlike fear, but I’ve believed that for many years now.
- I’m a bad person. Especially a bad daughter. Mainly because I don’t see my parents that often. I don’t call them and I don’t like discussing my life or my dreams with them. I also feel guilty because I made their lives miserable when I was a child, according to them. Thanks to therapy, I found out this isn’t true because children don’t have the last word on family dynamics. The parents do and, sadly, I was used by them to have their own way.
3 things I truly believe are wrong.
- People “love me.” At least that’s what some people claim, but deep inside me I’m sure they don’t, or they say that because they want something from me. My parents used to tell me that when they wanted me to take care of them, or to make public appearances as their daughter, etc. Then they left me alone. When I attempted suicide, my dad talked to the psychiatrist to disqualify that fact and laughed about it like a joke.
- Everyone can stick to their principles. Even I am corruptible, pushing the right buttons.
Thanks to therapy, I’m starting to think that something else is wrong:
3. All the statements above. They are caused by a triple mental health disorder originated in my childhood, as well as genetical issues. However, little by little I’m coming to the conclusion that the world in my mind, ruled by the previous statements, isn’t as truthful as I thought. With the help of psychiatrical treatment, I’m starting to understand I’m powerless over the past. Nevertheless, today things are as changeable as I can make them. I’m not a five-year-old anymore.
nocureforme 